Secrets

After a series of pretty serious stuff, I decided to lighten up a bit here. Well not quite but it’s non-political, non-satirical, without any hint of cynism and best of all, no one can say that I’m a partisan player in politics.

You know, before I decided to tie the knot, I was actually coaxed into attending a marriage counselling course. It was supposed to be a do-or-die thing and I foolishly agreed to go. The course syllabus was basically the usual stuff (I guess) of providing you, the attendee, with knowledge of what is a marriage, why would you want to get married, the extended families, conflict management, family planning and all the good stuff that comes with it. A few things that struck me was (1) when the counsellor said that there should be no secrets between a husband and wife. As an example, he said that if you are meeting anyone, especially of the opposite gender, you should inform your partner first, in case of misunderstandings such as when the busybody friend of your wife’s unwittingly spotted this girl stroking your leg using hers under the table in a cafe. Ok, he did not quite put it in those terms, but you get the idea; (2) He specifically said that if the husband goes out and look for a prostitute, it is just for sex and nothing else. To date, I still do not understand the real reason why he used that particular example, but I remember distinctly that he said it twice on different occasions.

Anyway, the marriage counsellor was not kidding when he said there should be no secrets between a couple. There I was, one fine night before my wedding, just downloading my emails. I got a reply from one of the local writers, in response to an email I had sent her a few weeks ago. I had sent the email in good heart, after coming across her book in MPH, and I spent a good few minutes reading in the bookstore. I basically wrote some encouraging words about the book she wrote, which I thought was a pretty harmless thing to do. Unfortunately, my girlfriend at that time, caught a glimpse of the returned email and got on the offensive. She basically gave me a very questioning look, which basically said, “You better explain yourself buster, or else!”. Well, it didn’t help that the writer whom I had corresponded with, was well known to be quite a looker and had boobs that many men drool at the sight of. And that was the last time I ever wrote an email to a pretty girl whom I have no direct business dealing with.

Although I had managed to escape the death penalty that time, I was nonetheless slightly miffed. Where’s the trust, you would think? Can a guy ever talk to a member of the opposite sex without being attacked by pangs of guilt? What about the guys with “roving eyes”, as the women put it? Wouldn’t that put them at being the types with the highest chances of cheating on their partners? If an email is enough proof of a guy’s propensity to go astray, then a guy with a whole bunch of spam emails offering “hot sexy young girls” and “have a stronger erection” should have reason enough to be investigated as well. But some would argue, the worst ones are the “silent killers”.

But I digress. I have not always believed in not keeping secrets. Basically, as the only son in the family, with two elder sisters, I grew up keeping a lot of things to myself. I have not been known to be very vocal among my friends, to the point of being flagged all my life as “quiet”. Which is only partially true – I have shocked a number of people before, when I got a bit tipsy many years back. For the guys like me, who share the same behaviour and similar dilemma, I have some advice:

1. Do not send emails to famous women with famous assets
2. If you do send emails to famous women with famous assets, make sure you do it using an anonymous account, and check it only in the the privacy of the toilet.
3. Delete your emails. Permanently.
4. Keep all your secrets in a safe place, away from prying eyes.
5. Know that prying eyes include everyone and everything. Trust no one. Leave no traces.
6. If you ever feel like telling the whole wide world about your deepest secrets, hold your breath and count to five hundred. You should have forgotten the urge or you would have passed out.
7. Failling to do the above, drop the idea and have no secrets. Your life will be much easier.

But I am an advocate of walking the less travelled road.